Grief doesn’t follow a timetable.
There isn’t a correct way to feel, a set amount of time you should struggle for or a moment when you’re expected to suddenly be “back to normal”.
Losing someone important to you can change almost every part of life. It can affect your emotions, routines, relationships, sleep, concentration and even your sense of who you are.
And bereavement isn’t the only kind of loss that can leave us grieving.
The end of a relationship, losing a job, changes to our health, moving away from somewhere important, losing independence or experiencing another significant life change can all create feelings of loss.
At LilyAnne’s Wellbeing, we’re here to provide somewhere you can talk about what has happened, how you’re feeling and what life looks like now — without judgement and without expecting you to simply “move on”.
Grief Can Look Different for Everybody
There is no single experience of grief.
You might feel overwhelmingly sad.
You might feel angry.
You might feel numb.
Sometimes you might even feel okay — and then feel guilty because you were able to laugh, enjoy something or go several hours without thinking about your loss.
Grief can involve many different emotions, including:
- Sadness
- Anger
- Shock
- Numbness
- Confusion
- Guilt
- Loneliness
- Anxiety
- Relief
- Regret
- Frustration
- Fear about the future
These feelings don’t necessarily arrive in a particular order.
They can overlap, disappear and return.
You may have a day when things feel slightly more manageable, followed by a day when the loss suddenly feels as immediate as it did at the beginning.
That doesn’t mean you’re going backwards.
Grief isn’t a straight line.
When Everything Suddenly Feels Different
Loss can change the ordinary parts of life as much as the significant ones.
It might be reaching for your phone to message somebody before remembering they’re no longer there.
It could be walking into the house and noticing the silence.
A television programme, particular song, familiar smell or journey can suddenly bring memories rushing back.
Birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas and other occasions may feel completely different.
Sometimes it’s the smallest things that hurt the most.
Other people may not always understand why something seemingly ordinary has affected you so deeply.
But grief is often connected to the routines, conversations and everyday moments that made somebody part of your life.
There Is No Deadline for Grief
After a bereavement, people often receive a great deal of support initially.
There are messages, phone calls, flowers and people checking in.
Then everyday life begins again for everybody else.
But your grief doesn’t necessarily disappear with it.
Weeks or months later, you may still be trying to understand what has happened while feeling that other people expect you to be coping.
You don’t need to meet somebody else’s timetable.
There is no deadline by which you should stop missing someone.
Learning to live alongside a loss doesn’t mean forgetting the person or pretending that what happened no longer matters.
Grief Can Affect Your Body Too
Bereavement isn’t only an emotional experience.
Grief can be exhausting.
You may notice changes to your sleep or appetite. Concentrating can become difficult. Everyday tasks may require much more effort than they normally would.
Some people experience headaches, tension or a general feeling of physical exhaustion.
You might walk into a room and forget why you’re there, struggle to follow conversations or find decisions unusually difficult.
When your mind is processing something significant, there may simply be less capacity available for everything else.
Being patient with yourself during this time matters.
When Loss Changes Your Identity
Some losses change more than our circumstances.
They can change how we see ourselves.
If you’ve spent years being somebody’s partner, parent, child, friend or carer, their absence can leave questions about what your life looks like now.
Significant changes in relationships, employment, health or independence can have a similar effect.
You might find yourself thinking:
Who am I now?
What happens next?
What is my life supposed to look like?
There doesn’t have to be an immediate answer.
Sometimes part of processing loss is gradually discovering what life looks like after something important has changed.
Grief Isn’t Always About Death
We often associate bereavement with somebody dying, but people can experience grief following many different forms of loss.
This might include:
- The end of a relationship
- Losing a friendship
- Miscarriage or pregnancy loss
- Losing a job or career
- Changes to physical health or ability
- Moving away from home or community
- Losing independence
- A significant change within the family
- Caring for somebody whose circumstances have changed
- Losing a pet
- A major change to plans you had for your future
Sometimes these losses aren’t recognised by other people in the same way as bereavement following a death.
But that doesn’t make the feelings surrounding them insignificant.
If something mattered to you, losing it can hurt.
You Don’t Have to Be Strong All the Time
People often feel pressure to stay strong after a loss.
You might be supporting children, relatives or other people who are grieving too.
You may be organising practical arrangements while trying to understand your own emotions.
Sometimes being “the strong one” means everybody assumes you’re coping.
But supporting other people doesn’t remove your own need for support.
You are allowed to struggle.
You are allowed to talk about the person you’ve lost.
You are allowed to cry.
And you’re also allowed to laugh, remember good times and experience moments of happiness without feeling guilty about them.
There isn’t one correct way to grieve.
When Grief Feels Lonely
Grief can sometimes feel incredibly isolating, even when you’re surrounded by people.
Friends and family may care deeply but not know what to say.
Some people avoid talking about the person who died because they’re worried about upsetting you.
But you may desperately want somebody to mention their name.
You may want to tell the same story you’ve already told several times.
You might simply want somebody to sit with you without trying to solve anything.
Having a space where you can talk openly can help.
Sometimes you don’t need advice.
You just need somebody to listen.
Supporting Yourself Through Loss
There isn’t a checklist that removes grief.
But during difficult periods, reducing expectations of yourself can be important.
Try to focus on what you need today rather than solving everything about the future.
Eating, drinking, resting and maintaining some familiar routines can provide a little stability when everything else feels different.
Accept help when it is offered and feels useful.
You don’t have to manage every practical responsibility alone.
And when you need space, it’s okay to communicate that too.
Some days will require more from you than others.
Remembering Someone Doesn’t Prevent You Moving Forward
People sometimes worry that beginning to feel better means they’re leaving somebody behind.
It doesn’t.
You can build new routines while keeping memories.
You can experience happiness while still missing somebody.
You can move forward without forgetting where you’ve been.
Grief may change over time rather than simply disappearing.
The relationship you had, the experiences you shared and the impact somebody had on your life can remain important even as your own life continues.
You Don’t Have to Go Through Loss Alone
At LilyAnne’s Wellbeing, we’re here when you need somewhere to talk.
Our counselling, listening and wellbeing support provides a compassionate space to explore bereavement, grief, significant life changes and the emotions that can come with them.
You don’t need to arrive knowing what you want to say.
You don’t have to explain why you’re still struggling.
And nobody is going to tell you that you should be “over it by now”.
Sometimes support begins with simply having somebody willing to listen.
Grief doesn’t need to be fixed. It needs to be heard, understood and given space.
If you’re coping with bereavement, loss or a significant change in your life, LilyAnne’s Wellbeing is here to listen and support you without judgement.
Related support and resources
Explore our counselling support, browse more mental health resources, or make a referral. You may also find our guides to life changes and uncertainty and loneliness and isolation helpful.
