We all have things we need to get done.
Getting ready for work. Remembering appointments. Paying bills. Preparing meals. Keeping the house organised. Starting a piece of work. Replying to messages. Following a routine.
For some people, these everyday demands can feel surprisingly difficult — even when they genuinely want to do them.
You might know exactly what needs doing but struggle to work out where to start.
You might create a routine but find it almost impossible to stick to.
Or you may look at what seems like a simple task and feel completely overwhelmed by the number of steps involved.
These difficulties can be connected to something called executive functioning.
At LilyAnne’s Wellbeing, we recognise that struggling with planning, organisation or motivation isn’t simply a matter of “trying harder”. Sometimes people need different strategies, environments and support to make everyday life more manageable.
What is executive functioning?
Executive functions are a collection of mental processes that help us manage ourselves and our everyday lives.
Think of them as some of the brain’s management skills.
They help us to plan what needs to happen, organise information, remember instructions, manage our time, switch between activities, regulate our responses and actually get started on things.
Executive functioning can affect areas including:
- Planning and prioritising
- Organisation
- Starting tasks
- Working memory
- Time management
- Maintaining attention
- Switching between tasks
- Managing emotions and impulses
- Following routines
- Problem-solving
- Completing multi-step activities
Everyone can struggle with these things occasionally.
It becomes more significant when difficulties regularly interfere with someone’s education, employment, relationships, home life or ability to manage everyday demands.
“I know what I need to do — I just can’t start.”
This is one of the most frustrating experiences associated with executive functioning difficulties.
You can understand that something is important.
You can want to do it.
You might even be worried about the consequences of not doing it.
And yet you still can’t seem to begin.
From the outside, somebody might interpret this as laziness, procrastination or a lack of motivation.
But wanting to complete a task and being able to initiate that task aren’t always the same thing.
Someone might spend hours thinking:
“I need to do this.”
“I’ll start in five minutes.”
“Why haven’t I started yet?”
As the pressure increases, so can feelings of frustration, anxiety, guilt and overwhelm.
What can executive functioning difficulties look like?
They don’t look the same for everybody.
You might recognise experiences such as:
Struggling to plan
You know what the end goal is but find it difficult to identify all the steps needed to get there.
Difficulty maintaining routines
You create a new routine with the best intentions, follow it for several days and then suddenly find you’ve stopped.
Losing track of time
Five minutes becomes half an hour, or you significantly underestimate how long a task will take.
Forgetting everyday things
Appointments, messages, belongings, instructions or things you intended to do can disappear from your mind.
Becoming overwhelmed by several demands
When everything feels equally important, deciding what to do first can become difficult.
Difficulty getting started
Even relatively small tasks can feel as though there’s an invisible barrier between thinking about doing them and actually beginning.
Starting lots but finishing little
New tasks or ideas can feel engaging, but maintaining momentum once that initial interest disappears may be much harder.
Difficulty switching activities
You might become deeply engaged in one activity and struggle to stop, even when you know you need to move onto something else.
Executive functioning and neurodiversity
Executive functioning difficulties are commonly discussed in relation to ADHD and autism, although they aren’t exclusive to neurodivergent people.
Stress, poor sleep, emotional distress and other circumstances can also affect someone’s executive functioning.
For people with ADHD, challenges can include task initiation, working memory, organisation, attention, impulse control and managing time.
Autistic people may experience difficulties around planning, transitions, changing expectations or managing multiple demands, particularly when already experiencing sensory or emotional overload.
It is important, however, not to assume that somebody has ADHD or autism simply because they struggle with organisation or motivation.
Everyone’s circumstances are different.
Why “just make a list” doesn’t always work
Lists can be incredibly useful.
But when you’re already overwhelmed, a list containing 25 things you haven’t done can sometimes create more pressure rather than less.
Executive functioning support isn’t necessarily about finding the perfect planner, downloading another productivity app or creating an incredibly detailed timetable.
It’s about finding strategies that work for your brain and your life.
Sometimes that means making things simpler rather than adding another system to manage.
Breaking the task down
“Clean the house” is a huge instruction.
Where do you start?
What does “clean” actually mean?
When are you finished?
Breaking it into smaller actions can reduce the mental demand.
Instead of:
Clean the kitchen
you could try:
- Put rubbish in the bin.
- Put dishes beside the sink.
- Wash the dishes.
- Wipe the worktop.
- Sweep the floor.
And if completing all five steps feels overwhelming, doing one step still counts.
The aim isn’t perfection.
It’s progress.
Creating routines that actually work for you
A routine should support your life rather than make you feel as though you’ve failed when you don’t follow it perfectly.
Try attaching new tasks to things that already happen consistently.
For example:
After brushing my teeth → take medication.
After making my morning drink → check today’s appointments.
Before going to bed → put my keys beside the door.
Visual reminders can also help.
Calendars, phone reminders, whiteboards, labelled storage, timers and checklists can reduce how much information you need to keep in your head.
There is no prize for remembering everything without assistance.
If a reminder helps you function, use the reminder.
Motivation doesn’t always come first
We often think we need to feel motivated before beginning something.
But sometimes motivation appears after we’ve started.
Try making the first step deliberately small.
Don’t tell yourself:
“I need to sort the entire bedroom.”
Try:
“I’m going to put away five things.”
Don’t start with:
“I have to complete this report.”
Start with:
“I’m going to open the document and write the heading.”
Reducing the size of the first step can make starting feel less intimidating.
Supporting executive functioning without judgement
Repeatedly struggling with everyday tasks can affect someone’s confidence.
When you’ve heard things like:
“You’re just lazy.”
“Why can’t you be more organised?”
“Everyone else manages it.”
or
“You just need to try harder.”
it can become easy to believe the problem is you.
Support should not begin with judgement.
It should begin with understanding what is getting in the way.
Perhaps the task needs breaking down.
Maybe instructions need to be clearer.
Perhaps visual prompts would help.
Maybe there are too many competing demands.
Or perhaps the person is already overwhelmed and needs support prioritising what actually matters today.
How LilyAnne’s Wellbeing can help
At LilyAnne’s Wellbeing, our neurodiversity support is focused on the person rather than expecting everybody to function in exactly the same way.
We can provide practical, understanding support around:
Planning — breaking larger demands into realistic, manageable steps.
Routines — exploring structures and prompts that work with your everyday life.
Motivation and task initiation — finding practical ways to make starting feel more achievable.
Organisation — developing systems that reduce overwhelm rather than adding to it.
Everyday demands — helping you work through appointments, responsibilities, transitions and the things that can quickly begin to pile up.
Alongside our neurodiversity support, LilyAnne’s provides counselling, listening support, peer support, advice, resources and signposting.
You don’t need to have everything figured out before asking for support.
Different doesn’t mean incapable
Struggling with executive functioning doesn’t mean you don’t care.
It doesn’t mean you aren’t intelligent.
And it doesn’t mean you aren’t trying.
Sometimes the strategies that appear to work effortlessly for other people simply aren’t the right strategies for you.
Understanding your executive functioning can help you move away from asking:
“Why can’t I just do this?”
and towards:
“What would make this easier for me to do?”
That small change in perspective can make an enormous difference.
LilyAnne’s Wellbeing is here to listen, understand and help you find practical ways to make everyday life feel more manageable.
